


More than a Killing Machine

by Jestana



Series: SWTOR fics [5]
Category: Star Wars: The Old Republic
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2015-05-16
Packaged: 2018-02-13 01:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 9,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2131695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jestana/pseuds/Jestana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She's the latest in a long line of servants to the Republic and thinks for herself instead of blindly following orders.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. To and On Coruscant

**Author's Note:**

> These are just snippets I've written based on what I experience in the game on my trooper. As such, there'll be spoilers for bits and bobs of the storyline as I encounter them.
> 
> **Edit:** I chose to use a customization for Aric: [this one](http://tor-fashion.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Aric-Jorgan-1.png). I changed Aric's customization because there's one that makes him look like a panther and I love them. [Here](http://tor-fashion.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Aric-Jorgan-4-Close.png) it is if you wanted to see.

"Mind if I join you, Lieutenant?" Aric had walked into the cantina to find his new commander seated at a table, staring out at the stars. She'd changed out of her armor into an ivory-colored tunic, black pants, and black boots.

The Mirialan looked up at him with a faint smile that didn't reach her pale green eyes. "If you like, Sergeant."

"Is something wrong?" He set his drink on the table and sat down across from her as she returned her attention to the stars.

She was quiet for so long that he wondered if she'd even heard his question. Finally, her voice so low that he might not have heard it if he hadn't been Cathar, she said, "I'm not sure I'm ready for this, Aric. I was supposed to be just a grunt on Havoc Squad for _years_ , working up to Lieutenant, not given command almost immediately."

"No one feels they're ready for command," Aric told her, taking a sip of his drink. "You more than proved your abilities on Ord Mantell."

She looked at him with a frown. "You made me bust my ass to prove myself, Sergeant, and then blamed me for things that happened beyond my control."

"It was your first assignment. I had to be hard on you to make sure you did your very best," he explained, remembering the way her eyes flashed when she was annoyed at him, but she still never failed to salute or snap out _'Yes, Sir'_ when the situation required it.

The lieutenant nodded reluctantly, downing the drink in front of her. "Some first assignment."

"And you came through it with flying colors." He raised his drink to her and finished it off. "Don't stay up too late. We still have to get to Coruscant."

She gave him a wry look. "I'm sorry, _Sergeant_ , but _who_ is in command?"

"My apologies, Sir, this is going to take some getting used to." He offered an apologetic smile before leaving her to her thoughts.

* * *

"You realize you're not supposed to get the general mad at you, right?" Aric asked as he and the Lieutenant left the Senate Tower.

Pesinil rolled her eyes. "I know, but her attitude about certain things doesn't sit well with me."

"I get that." The Cathar nodded, stifling a growl as he remembered some of the orders Garza had given them. "She's giving us our orders right now, though, so be careful that you don't piss her off _too_ much."

The Mirialan eyed him thoughtfully for several moments. "Is it just me, Sergeant, or did you just advise me to disobey orders?"

"I'm advising you to do what you think is _right_ , like when you chose not to kill those civilians." Aric couldn't stop the corner of his mouth from twitching with amusement. Pesinil was actually _teasing_ him.

She grinned at that. "Good to know that you agree that we signed up to be soldiers, not cold-blooded murderers."

"Exactly." This time, he didn't even _try_ not to smile. Lightly nudging her shoulder with his, he asked, "Do you feel better about being in command of Havoc Squad now?"

Pesinil didn't answer for several moments, green eyes thoughtful. "Yes, I do. I'd still rather have worked my way up to it instead of getting thrown into it, but there's nothing we can do about that now."

Aric nodded again, pleased that she felt better about being in command. His own doubts had been laid to rest while they'd worked together over the past few days. _She'd have ended up in command anyway in the end, I'm sure of it._


	2. You've Got Mail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's my headcanon that Pesi and Wraith are sisters. There's enough similarity in their appearances that it seems plausible to me.

When he entered the lounge area of the ship, Aric stopped in surprise when he found Pesinil curled up on one of the couches, datapad in hand. As he turned to leave the lieutenant to her reading, the change in light glinted off the tears on her cheeks. Without stopping to think, he asked, "Bad news from home?"

"Oh! Jorgan, you startled me!" Dropping the datapad, his CO scrubbed hastily at her cheeks.

Hesitantly moving closer, he asked again, "Did you get bad news?"

"Not exactly." She smiled wryly, drawing her knees to her chest.

Taking the implicit invitation, he sat down nearby. Since they were en route to Taris and it would take some time to get there, both of them had changed out of their armor and into more casual clothes. He'd forgotten how generous some of the Mirialan's curves were. Shutting down those thoughts, he instead asked, "What were you reading that made you cry?"

"I had mail from my sister waiting for me when we got back to the ship," she told him in a low voice, fidgeting with the blanket she'd draped over her legs.

That surprised the Cathar and he stared at her for a moment. "Wraith?"

"I don't have any other sisters," Pesinil reminded him, her voice still quiet.

He nodded, rubbing ruefully at the back of his neck. Neither woman had explicitly referred to their relationship to each other on Ord Mantell and this was the first time the lieutenant had brought it up since they started tracking down Tavus and the others. "Did you try to track the message, figure out where it'd come from?"

"That was my first thought when I saw it sitting in my inbox." She unconsciously reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear, exposing the burn scars on the left side of her face. From her file, he knew they were from an incident during her training: a blaster rifle with a faulty power cell exploded when she tried to use it. Her voice drew him from his thoughts: "No luck. Whatever way she sent it, there was no way to track it back to its source."

Aric shook his head, growling in frustration. _So much for that idea._ "What'd she say, or is that something you'd rather not share?"

"Mostly she apologized for pulling her blaster on me back on Ord Mantell." Pesinil looked back down at the datapad in her hand. "Said she didn't want to kill me, but I jeopardized her and the others and they couldn't risk exposure." His CO paused there, still staring at the datapad. After a long moment, she continued, "She won't hold back if we come face to face again. We've each picked a side now and being sisters no longer enters into the equation."

Dropping the datapad, she buried her face in her hands. Aric felt a moment of panic at the sight of Pesinil crying, shoulders shaking with suppressed sobs. He'd never been good at comforting people, but he couldn't just _leave_ her! Carefully, he reached out and rested his hand on one shaking shoulder. The Mirialan let out a shuddering sigh and tilted her head to rest her cheek on his hand. They sat like that until she cried herself out.


	3. Nar Shaddaa and Tatooine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was re-reading this and realized I'd never posted my Tatooine snippet. Since it was kind of short, I added it to the end of this chapter instead of replacing the following chapters.

"Sergeant Jorgan, perhaps you can help me." Elara knew appealing to the Cathar was what some people called a 'low blow,' but she couldn't think of anything else.

He turned from his inspection of their armory. "Help you with what, Sergeant Dorne?"

"There is really no need--" the lieutenant began to speak, but Elara spoke over her.

"Could you help the Lieutenant see that flirting during missions is highly inappropriate."

Pesinil covered her face with her hand and groaned. "Elara!"

"She was flirting?" Aric had gone very still, looking between the two females. "With whom?"

Elara folded her arms across her chest. "The SIS agent who liased with us for the mission."

"All I was trying to do was lighten the mood." Pesinil dropped her hand and shook her head. "Do you have _any_ idea how long it's been since a sentient male showed any appreciation for me beyond my ability to kick his ass?"

Surprisingly, Aric looked as if he'd been punched in the gut. Elara wondered why he reacted that way. She didn't think it was typical, but she wasn't familiar with Cathars. Jorgan cleared his throat and Pesinil looked up from the deck, green eyes curious. "You're Havoc Squad, Sir. Most males are intimidated by that fact."

"If they are, they're not worth your time." Elara might not know much about social situations, but she knew that much.

Their CO offered them a faint smile. "Thanks, you two. I really appreciate it. What do you say we all go out for drinks? My treat."

"Sir, we're technically on a mission," Elara couldn't help reminding her, though she had to admit that having a drink or two sounded good.

Aric shook his head. "We're not leaving until tomorrow. We can afford to unwind a little now."

As he turned and headed for his quarters, Elara turned to Pesinil. "Did you suggest this so you can have that 'private' conversation with Balkar?"

"No!" The answer came a little too quickly, followed by a blush. "Maybe? I just want to spend time with the two of you that has nothing to do with a mission or ship's operations. If we see Jonas, he's welcome to join us, but this is about us."

Elara nodded and headed off to change out of her uniform. Did she even have anything that would be appropriate for a cantina?

* * *

"Dorne, with me!" Pesinil shouted as she burst out of the mayor's office at a dead run.

Elara fell in step with her seconds later. "Where is Sergeant Jorgan, Sir?"

"The mayor's briefing him." Her CO wasn't even panting for breath yet. "Did you hear the bomb go off just now?"

She nodded, keeping pace easily despite the relentless heat. "I did, Sir. I wondered if it was related to our mission."

"It just might be. Klerran said there's usually several smaller explosions after a big one like this." They slowed as they approached the building where the explosion had originated. "Render aid to anyone who needs it. I'll talk to people and see if it _is_ related. You ask, too."

Elara was very grateful she'd restocked her medkits before leaving the ship earlier. "Aye, Sir."

They ducked into the building and began looking for survivors, ready for anything. The protocol droids that appeared brought back memories Elara would rather forget and she gladly helped destroy them before they exploded and killed more innocent civilians. Pesinil holstered her weapon once the threat seemed to have passed. "I need to report back to the mayor."

"I'll stay here, if you don't mind, Sir." Elara looked at the civilians still waiting to be treated. "I can't leave them."

The Lieutenant nodded, clapping her on the shoulder. "That's fine. Do what you can for them."

"Yes, Sir." She turned back to her task while Pesinil left to report what they'd found.


	4. Alderaan and After

"Sir, are you all right?" Elara was normally reluctant to disturb her CO, but something about the slump of the other female's shoulders as she stared out the window at the Alderaanian night suggested that she would welcome the company.

The lieutenant turned to the sergeant with a wry smile. "I know I should say I'm fine, but we're off duty for the night, so no, I'm not."

"May I ask what's wrong?" She approached the couch where Pesinil was seated a little hesitantly.

The other female drew her legs closer to herself and Elara took the implicit invitation and sat. "Seeing Markus reunite with his family just made me miss mine."

"Where are they, if it's not intrusive of me to ask." She perched on the edge of the couch, hands folded primly in her lap.

Pesinil chuckled softly. "My parents are on Coruscant. Mother represents Mirial in the Galactic Senate and Father is her bodyguard. He's retired Army. He was so proud that both of us were picked for Special Forces."

"Both, sir?" Elara pretended not to know what her CO meant, not sure if she should be aware of the truth or not.

The lieutenant glanced at her with a wry smile. "I _know_ you've read my file and that of every former Havoc Squad member who defected. You know who I mean."

"Of course, sir, but I wasn't sure if it was my place to bring it up or not." It felt strange to have her... quirks acknowledged but not ridiculed. The sergeant rather liked it.

"It's not something that needs to be tiptoed around, Elara. Just for future reference." Pesinil's smile was warm this time. "Yes, Father was so proud of both Zora and me when each were picked for Special Forces. I was so happy to finally work with my sister again."

She nodded, careful not to draw attention to the tear sliding down her CO's cheek, needing only to think of her brother to fully know what she meant. "I understand the feeling perfectly, Sir."

"I was mad at Tavus and the others for defecting, but not at Zora." The lieutenant's voice was quiet and she turned to look out the window once more. "I just wish I better understood _why_ they did it."

A little daringly, the sergeant reached out and rested a hand on her arm. "For the same reason I defected from the Empire, sir: because they could no longer stand to stay."

"Well, there's probably more to it than that, but I suppose that's the most basic reason." Pesinil smiled and briefly covered Elara's hand with her own. "Thanks, Elara."

"You're welcome, sir."

* * *

"This is it, Havoc Squad. We've been working towards this for quite some time." Pesinil stood ramrod straight in front of them, her expression stern. Aric wondered how much was a front for them. "We've taken out Needles, Fuse, and Gearbox and gained invaluable members of our team in the process." She nodded first to Dorne, and then to Forex. "The only traitors left are Wraith and Tavus. They won't make it easy for us."

As she hesitated, Jorgan raised his hand. When she nodded to him, he asked, "What's the strategy, sir? I can't imagine they'll let us just stroll onto their ship."

"No, they won't. Sergeant Dorne and I will take point and pose as fellow traitors to gain initial access to the ship." The lieutenant grimaced a little at even the thought of posing as a traitor. "We'll work our way to engineering to deactivate their hyperdrive. Once that's done, it's highly likely that everyone on the ship will become hostile to us. When you hear the alarm go off, I want you and Forex to disembark and start taking out the enemy forces. I doubt any of them will surrender, but take prisoners if you can."

He nodded, part of him disappointed that she hadn't asked _him_ to join her in the initial infiltration. "I understand, sir. We'll take prisoners if possible."

"If you encounter Wraith, give her the option of surrendering." For a moment, she looked sad, but then she squared her shoulders. "I told Kardan I'd bring them in alive if I could and I still have to try."

Elara spoke up then, surprising Aric. "Understood, sir. We won't let you down."

"For the Republic!" Forex added, making their CO smile.

She nodded firmly. "For the Republic! Let's move, Havoc Squad, and show those Imperials that we're still the best of the best!"

Elara headed straight for the medbay, presumably to stock up on extra medical supplies. Forex retired to his charging station. Aric found himself at the arms locker with Pesinil. He breathed deeply of her unique scent, a little uncertain of what to say or do, falling back on formalities. "Sir, be careful out there."

"You, too, Sergeant." She smiled up at him, taking his hand in hers and giving it a squeeze. "I'd take you with me, but I doubt many of these traitors are non-humans."

He smiled wryly. "You don't need to explain, sir. I'm sure Dorne's medical training will come in handy, too."

"That it will." She stepped closer to him, her eyes on his. "Personally, I'd rather have _you_ with me, but I have to do what's best for the mission."

Aric nodded, his heart thumping in his chest. "I understand, sir, though I have to admit to being pleased that you'd rather have me."

"As you should be." Smiling, she stretched up and kissed his cheek, moving away to retrieve her weapons the next moment.

He didn't let himself smile or touch his cheek until the two females left to begin their mission. _I refuse to let this end with that. We'll both survive and explore whatever this is between us._


	5. After Justice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She stayed calm and professional during the op. What about after?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Killing Wraith had _huge_ consequences for Pesi. This is my attempt to address them.

_"Zora, please, don't make me do this!"_

_"My name isn't Zora anymore! It's Wraith! I refuse to go quietly like a lamb to slaughter!"_

_"You're my_ sister _! I don't want to kill you!"_

_"Then you can die instead, like we were meant to on Ando Prime."_

_"_ Please _surrender!"_

_"NEVER!"_

Pesinil woke with a gasp and immediately sat up, drawing her knees to her chest. Zora had never been much of a talker, even when they were little. Those few sentences had been the equivalent of a long speech from anyone else. She didn't know how she'd managed to carry on after that. Elara hadn't said a word when Pesinil stopped to kneel beside Zora's body afterwards and whisper, "I'm sorry."

Then they pressed on with their mission, working their way through the ship and she didn't have a chance to mourn for her sister. Well, now they were on their way to Coruscant for their debriefing and she had all this time to herself. Yet, the tears wouldn't come. Making a frustrated sound, she tossed her covers back and got up, heading to the galley. She poured milk into a saucepan on the cooking element. That's what her mother had always done when she and Zora couldn't get back to sleep. _What am I going to tell Mother and Father? How do I tell them that I killed my_ sister _?_

"Sir?" She stiffened at the sound of a sleepy voice behind her.

"I'm sorry if I woke you up, Elara." She forced her voice to remain even, gazing intently at the milk to avoid looking at her medical officer.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Elara go to the sink and fill a cup with water. "You didn't wake me. I needed something to drink."

"Of course." Pesinil stifled a wry smile.

Just as she checked the temperature of the milk, another voice asked, "What's this, a slumber party?"

"Couldn't sleep, either, Aric?" she kept her tone light, turning off the heating element and carefully pouring the warmed milk into a mug.

His voice was the most casual she'd heard it since they met. "Thought I heard voices, so I came out to investigate."

"Of course." She put the pan to soak in the sink and turned to face the other two, cradling her milk between her hands. "I'm sorry for waking _you_ , at any rate." While Elara wore a plain pajama set, Aric wore only a pair of pajama pants. Pesinil quickly took a sip of milk to relieve the sudden dryness of her throat. It was too soon, though, and she burned her tongue on the hot liquid. "Slag, that hurts!"

Both sergeants started towards her, concerned. "Are you all right, sir?"

"Just burned my tongue, that's all." She held up her hand to stop them. "Not the first time I've done it and probably won't be the last."

Elara glanced at the sink and back at Pesinil. "Why were you warming milk in the middle of the night, sir?"

"Mother used to do it for me and--" she stopped short then, her throat suddenly closing up and her eyes starting to burn. _Oh, frag it, not now! Not in front of my people!_

She squeezed her eyes shut against the tears that threatened to fall. A flurry of movement and a familiar clawed hand touched her shoulder. "Let yourself cry, Lieutenant. We won't think less of you for it."

"I'm your commanding officer!" She inwardly cursed that her voice had become so hoarse and shaky. "I can't break down in front of you!"

A gentle hand pried the mug from her hands and she clenched them into fists, fighting to remain composed. Aric slid an arm around her shoulders, warm and muscular. "We're a family, sir. We're there for each other when bad things happen. You've lost your sister. You're allowed to mourn for her."

"I know I am." She didn't even realize she'd leaned into his warmth until she felt his warm chest under her hand, his fur soft against her skin. "But why did the tears come _now_ , when I wasn't ready for them?"

Elara's hand rested on her back, between her shoulder blades. "That's how it works, sir. The tears will come when you least expect them and holding them back will only give you a headache."

Pesinil's laugh was more of a sob and that broke the dam. She pressed her face into Aric's shoulder and sobbed. He held her tight with the arm around her shoulders while Elara rubbed soothing circles on her back. As her sobs tapered off, hiccups took their place. _Slag! Just what I need!_

"Here, sir, this will help." Elara offered her the milk,.

Nodding, she took the mug and drank the much-cooler milk. It did the trick and she stopped hiccupping. "Thanks."

"Are you going to be all right now?" Aric asked the question as Elara took the emptied mug and put it in the sink.

Pesinil nodded again and reluctantly pulled away from him, catching his hand and giving it a squeeze. "Yeah. I'll be fine. We should all get some sleep."

She quickly retreated to her quarters and curled up under the covers, watching the stars streak by in hyperspace until she drifted back to sleep. This time, she didn't dream.


	6. Balmorra

"Is something wrong here?" Captain Pesinil stood in the doorway to the medbay, having changed out of her armor and into a uniform.

Vik waved a hand, starting to stand up. "Nothing's wrong, sir."

"Have you been dismissed?" The Mirialan folded her arms across her chest, expression stern.

He glanced at Elara, who shook her head. "No, he has not, sir, because he won't let me do a full physical on him."

"I'm fine. There's no need for one." He folded his arms across his chest as well.

Pesinil didn't move from her spot in the doorway. "Weequay or not, it's standard operating procedure, Vik."

"Fine." Grumbling, he sat back down.

Beginning to work, Elara addressed their CO. "You need a physical, too, sir."

"That's why I'm here." The Captain entered the room and hopped up on the other bed.

The medic hid a pleased smile. _At least_ one _of my squadmates doesn't need to be dragged, kicking and screaming, into the medbay._ "As soon as I finish with Specialist Vik's exam, I'll do yours, sir."

"Take your time." Pesinil sat quietly on the bed, watching them.

Elara mentally counted the seconds before Tanno broke the somewhat comfortable silence that had fallen. "Dorne, can I ask you something?"

"If you like, but I might not have the answer." She examined the results of her initial scan.

He stared at her for a moment before shaking his head and asking, "Why are you fighting for the Republic and not the Empire?"

"I found I couldn't serve in a military that did away with all integrity and rationality every time a Sith demanded otherwise." She kept her voice bland and expressionless, though she was less... careful as she drew samples of his blood to test.

He eyed her thoughtfully. "You're big on rules and regulations, aren't you?"

"We all are," Pesinil interrupted the conversation, then. She'd slid off the bed and stood at foot of Vik's, her expression stern. "This is a military-run squad and it's best if you remember that. Yes, we need you because you're the best at blowing things up, regardless of your previous career. However, that does _not_ give you carte blanche to say or do whatever you wish. Neither does it mean you can go haring off on a mission of your own and leave the rest of us high and dry like you did on Balmorra. Do I make myself clear?"

At a nod from Elara, he slid off the bed and stood at attention before the captain, easily a head taller than both females. "As clear as transparisteel, Sir."

"Good. Are you finished with his physical, Dorne?" Pesinil looked at the sergeant.

She nodded. "I am, Sir."

"Dismissed, Specialist Vik." He saluted and waited until she returned it before he dropped his and left the medbay. Once he was gone, their CO breathed out a huge sigh and slumped against the bed. "I hate pulling rank like that."

She climbed back onto the other med bed so Elara could proceed with her physical. "Someone like him, you _have_ to be stern and keep them in line."

"We saw the sort of messes he left behind if allowed free reign and that's _not_ the kind of reputation I want for Havoc Squad." Pesinil held still as the medic started to scan her.

Elara could only nod. "I understand, sir, and I think, between you and Lieutenant Jorgan, you'll do fine at keeping him in line."

"You're not upset that I chose to promote Jorgan over you?" Pesinil looked anxious when Elara glanced up from studying her scan.

She shook her head, touched that the other female was so concerned about her feelings. "No, of course not. Disappointed, yes, but there will be other chances for promotion."

"If it'd been possible, I'd have promoted both of you." She turned her head to look at Elara as she began to take blood samples. "As it is, you have my permission to chew Specialist Vik out if he steps out of line."

Elara stifled a pleased smile and only nodded. "Yes, sir. May I suggest that he study the regs more thoroughly?"

"Including 235-R?" Pesinil's eyes sparkled with mirth despite her serious expression.

She nodded, pleased that her CO understood. " _Especially_ that one."

"After all, if you're going to lie, might as well do it accurately." She shook her arm once the sergeant finished drawing blood. "Do you need me for anything else?"

Dorne shook her head this time. "No, sir. If you could, have Lieutenant Jorgan report for a physical as well. He's due for one."

"I'll make sure he does." She hopped off the bed. "Even if I have to drag him here myself."

This time, she allowed herself a small smile. "Thank you, Sir."

"You're welcome, Sergeant."


	7. Quesh

"I don't know which is worse: mud or sand," Aric grumbled as he scrubbed at his fur.

Pesinil, on the other side of the flimsy divider, answered promptly, "Mud. Sand doesn't leave anything behind."

"You also don't have any fur for it to get caught in," he reminded her, trying very hard not to think of the fact that she was naked less than a meter away, water trailing down her beautiful green skin.

She gave a thoughtful hum in reply. "True. Still, at least you just have to get the sand out. Don't have to deal with the muck that mud leaves behind."

"Got me there." He heard her turn off her water and the drain start sucking up what was left. He was still trying to get rid of mud that clung to the fur on his arms. "So, any ideas on where Garza's going to send us next?"

The captain's voice sounded muffled as she replied, "Hard telling. I guess it depends on the expertise we still need to take out the Gauntlet."

"Vik's is demolitions, so it's certainly not that." He grimaced at the thought of the Weequay, still not sure about him being on Havoc Squad.

Deciding he'd spent enough time washing, he turned off his water and stepped out to dry off. As he did, Pesinil replied to his remark, "Probably someone good with computers. The Gauntlet is sure to require a lot of computing power."

"I suppose you're right." Aric stifled a growl over the fact that his fur remained damp. "Whoever Garza's picked, I hope they'll be a better fit for Havoc than Vik."

"Everything all right in there, Jorgan?" She sounded amused. "You don't need any help, do you?"

He glanced down at his naked body and quickly shook his head. "No!" He cleared his throat, ignoring her chuckle. "I'm, uh, I'm fine. Thanks for the offer."

"Here you are, Captain. Your gear is clean as a whistle." That was the sergeant who'd told them they needed to shower before they returned to their ship.

Aric heard the sergeant walk away and peered around his curtain to find Pesinil watching for him, amusement dancing in her eyes. When she saw him, she asked, "Is there a reason you haven't even gotten dressed yet, Lieutenant?"

"Fur takes longer to dry than skin, Sir." He chanced a quick glance down to ensure he was decently covered. He ignored her snicker. "Permission to only put my pants on so I'm at least decent for the walk to our ship?"

Still amused, she asked, "And what will you do on the ship?"

"My people have developed something to help us dry our fur faster." He did his best to maintain his dignity despite holding the conversation while completely naked. "I don't have it with me. It's on the ship."

Finally, Pesinil nodded. "Yes, permission granted, Jorgan."

"Thank you, sir." He accepted the pants she handed him and ducked back behind the curtain.

Aric heard her duck into her cubicle to change as well. "I'm doing it for me as much as you."

"What do you mean, sir?" He emerged and scooped up the remainder of his gear.

Upon hearing her curtain slide back, he looked up and nearly dropped his gear. She wore only the pants and shirt that protected her skin from the durasteel armor they usually wore. It fit very... snugly. For some reason, his mouth was dry. His surprise must have shown on his face, because a smile lit hers. "It gives me a chance to admire your chest. I thought I'd give you a similar opportunity."

"How very thoughtful of you, Sir." He shifted his hold on his gear, hoping it hid just how affected he was by her appearance.

She scooped up her remaining gear as well. "I thought so."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two idiots keep dancing around each other and driving me nuts. :P


	8. Hoth and After

"Something on your mind, sir?" Aric asked the question as they thawed out at Senth Outpost, wrapped in blankets and drinking hot caf.

Pesinil didn't answer immediately, simply staring into the middle distance. Finally, she gave herself a shake and took a sip of her caf. Then she turned to him inquiringly. "Did you say something, Jorgan?"

"I asked if you had something on your mind." He wondered what had affected her so much. Certainly not killing the pirates. Though their usual targets were Imperials, pirates were just as much of a threat to the Republic.

She smiled sadly, wrapping both hands tight around her mug. "I was just thinking about Sergeant Yuun and the fact that he lost those men under his command. It can't have been easy."

"It never is." He shook his head, remembering all the letters home he'd had to write over the years. "It's part of being in command, though. You order your people into dangerous situations and hope that they make it out alive. When they don't, you mourn for them and move on."

His captain gave him a skeptical look. "It can't be that easy."

"Well, that's how it's _supposed_ to work." Aric had to admit that it wasn't as easy as he'd said.

A smile softened Pesinil's expression. "I'm lucky I haven't lost you or any of the others. I don't know what I'd do if I did."

"We're Havoc Squad for a reason, Sir." He met her eyes, determined. "We're not easy to kill."

"And I'm very glad and proud for that."

* * *

As everyone scattered to prepare for the attack on the Gauntlet, Aric once again found himself at the arms locker with Pesinil. As always, he fell back on formalities. "Good luck, sir. Stay safe."

"Same to you, Jorgan." She smiled up at him, taking his hands in hers and squeezing gently. "Come back to me-- to us in one piece."

Her words gave him hope that the little hints he'd seen of her feelings for him had been true. "I'll do that, sir. You come back to me, too."

"Still having trouble remembering who gives the orders around here?" Mischief glinted in her eyes despite her stern expression.

Aric shook his head, bringing her hands up to kiss the backs as he'd seen others do. "That wasn't an order, sir."

"What was it, then?" He heard her breath catch at his gesture and hid his relief that the gesture had worked.

He held her hands to his chest, over his heart. "It was a heartfelt request."

"So was mine." Pesinil gently freed her hands so she could press her palms to his armor. "I don't think I could bear to lose any of you, but _especially_ you."

Daringly, he lifted one of his hands to caress her cheek, tracing the line of tattoos just below the bone. "I understand, sir."

Boots clomped along the deck outside the armory and they broke apart. The door slid open and Vik poked his head inside. "Bugeyes says he's all set, Captain."

"His name is Sergeant Yuun, Specialist Vik," she snapped at him. "Remember that."

The Weequay offered a half-hearted salute. "Yes, sir."

"Is Sergeant Dorne ready, too?" Aric asked then, shouldering his favorite of the assault cannons.

Tanno nodded, looking from one to the other thoughtfully. "Just waitin' on you two."

"We're coming." Pesinil pushed past him and headed towards the airlock.

The two males followed her shortly. It was time to take out an Imperial superweapon.


	9. Back to Coruscant

Unable to sleep, Pesinil slipped out of bed and pulled on a robe before venturing out of her quarters. Most of the ship was quiet as they sped through hyperspace back to Coruscant. She padded barefoot to the medbay, looking in on their one casualty from the attack on the Gauntlet: Aric Jorgan. He slept uneasily on one of the beds. _It's my fault. I should have sent Elara_ with _him instead of Forex._

"Captain?" Aric's hoarse voice startled her and she looked up to see that he'd turned on the light above his bed. Though his face was drawn with pain, he managed a faint smile. "What are you doing here?"

She moved into the room, standing beside his bed. "Checking on you. I'm sorry I got you hurt."

"No, _you_ didn't hurt me, sir." He shook his head, pausing in his efforts to sit up when his injuries pained him.

Without a second thought, she gently pushed him back down. "Stay still, Lieutenant. Sergeant Dorne will have your head if you undo all her hard work."

"That... doesn't make sense." Despite a soft huff of annoyance, he laid back down. "What I was trying to say is that my injuries are not _your_ fault. They're the _Imps'_ fault. They're the ones who shot me. And we'll get them back for it, too."

She smiled and gently brushed her fingers through the fur at his temple. He closed his eyes and pressed into her touch. "You broke your promise to me, you know."

"I did?" He opened his eyes to look up at her quizzically.

Pesinil nodded, tracing his cheekbone with her fingertip now. "Yes. You said you'd come back in one piece."

"At least I came back." Aric rolled his eyes.

She nodded again, blinking back tears. "And I'm very glad for that." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Lucky you don't have to worry about it." He reached up to catch her hand in his, pressing a kiss to the back once again.

This time, she didn't stifle the shiver that went through her at the brush of his lips on her skin. "Very lucky. Now I can do this." She leaned down and lightly brushed her lips against his. "Get well soon, Aric."

"I plan to, Pesi," he whispered back.

She smiled and squeezed his hand before reluctantly leaving the medbay for her quarters. This time, when she crawled under the covers, she fell asleep quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In-game, the trooper can choose to send Jorgan or Dorne to the bridge of the Gauntlet. Whichever one is sent gets critically injured. So, of course, I _had_ to send Aric. Just because I'm mean like that.


	10. Post-Belsavis

Once they were underway to Voss, Pesinil disappeared into her quarters. Aric waited fifteen minutes before requesting entry. When five minutes passed without a reply, he used his override as the squad's XO. Not surprisingly, the room was dim when he entered. Her armor lay in a jumbled heap on the floor. She'd handed her blaster rifle and pistol to him upon boarding the ship with Dorne. The major herself lay on her bed, curled into a ball under the covers. Softly, he asked, "Sir?"

"I didn't answer the door for a reason, Jorgan," she replied, her voice muffled.

He moved closer to the bed, unwilling to leave until he knew she'd be all right. "I know, sir, and I also know that you and Jaxo were friends."

"So what?" She tugged the covers tighter around her. "It was a choice between saving one person or saving three hundred. The answer was obvious."

Aric shook his head, clasping his hands behind his back. "Obvious, but not easy. A choice like that never is."

"If that's all you came here to say, you can do an about face and march out of here." Her voice was the closest he'd heard a non-Cathar come to a proper growl.

He shook his head again, moving even closer to the bed. "I also came here because I figured you could use some company."

"Can't you accept that I just want to be left alone?" She finally emerged enough to glare at him over the edge of the covers.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he reached out and gently brushed away the tears that still glistened on her cheek. "Not when you're this upset."

Pesinil sat up in a flurry of blankets and, seizing him by the front of his uniform, pulled him into a desperate kiss. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back, growling deep in his throat. When he felt her begin tugging at his belt buckle, however, he caught her hands in his. She pulled back and glared up at him. "What is it?"

"Not like this, Pesi." He brought her hands up to kiss the palms. "It'd be for all the wrong reasons and we'd hate each other and ourselves afterwards."

She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. "I don't want to be alone."

"I know." He kissed the top of her head. "That's why I'm here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This sort of decision is _never_ easy to make and, for Pesi, it was the first time she gave an order that she _knew_ meant a friend would die.


	11. Post-Voss

"There's a reason I followed in my father's footsteps and not my mother's," Pesinil grumbled as she stormed onto the ship, Elara trailing after her.

Aric glanced between the two females curiously. "What'd we miss?"

"I'll tell you in private." She looked at the lieutenant. "Dorne?"

She shook her head. "I won't say a word unless you give me leave, sir."

"Thanks. Set course for Corellia" Taking Aric's hand, Pesinil all but dragged him into her quarters. At her gesture, he sat on the couch in the sitting area. The major, on the other hand, remained standing. "Turns out that there was more to the hearing than Garza could say over a holo link or even in her office."

He nodded, watching as she began to pace. "I thought I heard Garza's voice in the hangar. And Balkar's."

"Balkar was there on business, Aric." She paused to press a kiss to the top of his head. "Besides, he's got nothing on my grumpy Cathar."

He cleared his throat, trying to keep calm. "I'll have a word with him. Remind him to treat you right and all that."

"He always does." She chuckled and moved away. When he turned to watch her, she'd tugged the tie that held her hair back in a ponytail free so her black hair tumbled down around her shoulders. "Anyway, turns out that the Senator who organized this hearing was working for the Imps. The whole thing was meant to make Havoc Squad look bad and keep us here, cooling our heels, and away from the frontlines."

That made him sit up straight, staring at her in surprise. " _What?_ How could the Imps have an agent in the Senate?"

"I don't know. The SIS dug up the evidence. I presented it at the hearing." She picked up a brush and began to run it through her hair. "After listening to him practically drag Havoc Squad's good name through the mud."

Aric couldn't stifle a growl at the thought of anyone slandering Havoc Squad. "I take it the Senate accepted your evidence?"

"They did and decided to open an investigation into the Senator instead of taking further action against Havoc Squad." Pesinil sat down beside him with a sigh.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pressed a kiss to her temple. "That's a relief at least. So why Corellia?"

"That's where Rakton is. We're meeting Garza there." She clenched her hand into a fist.

Taking her hand in his, he gently uncurled her fingers and pressed a kiss to her palm. "Short flight. Whatever are we going to do with ourselves?"

"I'm sure we can think of something." She shifted to sit astride his lap, draping her arms over his shoulders. "Don't you?"

Allowing himself to smile for once, he buried his hands in her hair to pull her down for a hungry kiss. She responded with a happy moan. _Thank the stars we're wearing our uniforms instead of our armor._


	12. Corellia

Both Elara and Pesinil pulled their helmets off the moment they emerged from the burning building, coughing to clear the smoke from their lungs. Wiping at the sweat dripping down her temple, the lieutenant told the major, "Thank you for choosing to save the civilians, sir."

"I became a soldier to save innocent lives, Dorne," the Mirialan shook her head. "Not sacrifice them to win battles."

She nodded, removing her gloves so she could open her medkit and put together injections. "This will help with the smoke inhalation, sir."

"Thanks." Pesinil tilted her head so Elara could give her the injection.

As she did, she noticed a mark on her CO's neck below her ear that she was quite sure hadn't been there a few hours ago. That merely confirmed what she'd suspected. "Forgive me if this is out of line, sir, but perhaps you and Captain Jorgan might wish to fill out Form 3578K together."

"I don't know the forms backwards and forwards like you do, Lieutenant." The Mirialan busied herself with checking her blaster rifle. "What's the purpose of that one?"

She injected herself and put everything away in her kit. "It will authorize you and Captain Jorgan to pursue a mutual romantic relationship."

"I see." Pesinil cleared her throat as she returned her rifle to its usual place on her back. "I'll keep that in mind. Thank you."

Elara checked her blaster pistol and re-holstered it. "Anytime, sir." She hesitated, glancing at the apartments. "Sir, I would like to offer my services as a medic to civilians who were caught in these fires."

"You read my mind, Dorne." The major grinned at her. "Make your offer when we return to Garza and Locke. I'll have Forex take over as my back-up."

Putting their helmets back on, they set off for the casino-turned-headquarters.

* * *

"On the shuttle, _now_!" Jorgan ordered the others, even as he watched for any sign of their missing squadmates.

Vik and Yuun ducked past him and onto the shuttle. Dorne stayed by his side. "We can't stay for long, Captain."

"We're not leaving anyone behind, Lieutenant," he snarled, though he knew he would have to if it took too long for Pesinil and Forex to return.

Before she could argue further, the squadmates in question dashed into the courtyard, dodging enemy fire and explosions. Spotting them waiting for her, the Major shouted, "ONTO THE SHUTTLE NOW!"

"Write us up for insubordination later, sir!" Aric yelled back, relieved to see her relatively unhurt. That relief disappeared when an explosion behind the two sent both flying through the air towards them.

Under the shriek of scraping metal when they landed, he wondered if he imagined the crunch of bone. Both Jorgan and Dorne dashed forward to help their squadmates up. Forex, once he was upright, lumbered towards the shuttle. Pesinil, on the other hand, cried out when she tried to put weight on her left leg. Without a word, Aric scooped her up into his arms and carried her bodily onto the shuttle. Even as he set her on the deck, he felt the shuttle shudder as it lifted off. Dorne tossed her gloves aside so she could scramble for her medkit. Looking pale, her face tight with pain, Pesinil asked, "What's the damage, Lieutenant?"

"Some scrapes and bruises, sir," the medic retorted, her tone as professional as always. "And your left hip is dislocated."

Their CO muttered something in her native language that Jorgan was almost certain was a curse. "What do you need to do?"

"I'll need to remove the armor from your leg so we can reset it." Elara reached for the clasps on the left leg of her armor. "Sergeant Vik, I'll need your help."

The Weequay loomed over them. "What do you need me for?"

"You and Captain Jorgan are the strongest of us," she explained as she gestured for him to take her place at the major's side. She guided Aric to hold Pesinil in his lap. "Between the two of you, we can reset her hip."

The two males exchanged glances even as she placed their hands where she needed them. Jorgan asked what was on both their minds. "Why do you need the two strongest, Dorne?"

"The thigh bone is the longest and strongest bone in the humanoid body," she explained patiently. "It will take a good deal of strength to pop it back into place."

Pesinil took a deep breath. "And it's going to hurt like hell."

"The quicker we do it, the better." Elara checked the placement of their hands one last time. "Ready, sir?"

Their CO nodded, setting her jaw. "Do it and get it over with."

"Go." Elara nodded to them.

Under her guidance, Vik pushed on the bone to guide it into the socket. Aric held Pesinil steady against the pressure while she cried out with pain. She slumped against Jorgan once the sergeant stopped, gasping for breath. Brushing away the sweat that had popped out on her forehead, the Cathar looked at their medic. "Did it work?"

"Yes, it's back in place." Dorne looked relieved when she finished scanning the major. "Thank you, Sergeant."

The Weequay nodded and stood up so Elara could take his place once again. Noticing that the lines of pain hadn't left Pesinil's face, Aric asked, "Is there anything else you can do?"

"I can inject her with kolto to speed up the healing process, but the best treatment would be a kolto bath." Elara prepared an injection.

Their CO shook her head. "The kolto bath will have to wait. I'll put up with how loopy the kolto injection makes me."

"Yes, sir. I thought as much." Dorne gave her the injection. "Stay off that leg as much as possible while it's healing."

He relaxed slightly when he saw the lines of pain easing from her face. She reached out and grasped Elara's arm as she repacked her medkit. "Dorne. Can you get me a copy of that form you told me about earlier?"

"Yes, sir. I'll have one on your desk within an hour of lifting off." A slight smile curved the medic's lips.

Jorgan frowned, wondering what they were talking about. "What form?"

"I trust the Major will tell you when she's ready, sir," Elara told him, getting to her feet and moving to one of the seats.

He looked down at Pesinil, ready to demand answers, but the kolto had done its work and she was asleep in his lap. Stifling a frustrated sigh, Aric shifted into a more comfortable position and settled in for the flight back to the spaceport.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't resist the image of Pesi falling asleep in Jorgan's lap. So sue me. :-P


	13. R & R

"All right, so _maybe_ taking time for R  & R was a good idea," Aric admitted grudgingly as he looked out over the view of Mirial's capital city.

She laughed and stretched up on her toes to kiss his cheek. "That wasn't so hard to admit, was it, oh grumpy one?"

"Grumpy?! I'll show you grumpy!" He turned and kissed her properly, holding her close.

Moaning happily, she molded her body to his as she responded eagerly to his kiss. "Hmm, how is that showing whether you're grumpy or not?"

"I'm not done with you yet," he warned before scooping her up in his arms and carrying her over to the bed.

Later, as they lay tangled with each other and the sheets, she sighed contentedly. "I may need more demonstrations in the future."

"I'll be sure to be very thorough." Aric assured her, absently stroking her back with one hand.

She stifled a laugh when she realized the rumbling sound she heard was purring. "I'll look forward to it. Every time."

"I'm sure you will." He sounded amused. She'd almost drifted off to sleep when he asked in a very quiet voice. "Pesi?"

She didn't move just yet. He made an excellent pillow. "Mmm?"

"What form were you and Dorne talking about?" That question woke her right up.

Sitting up, she eyed him carefully. _Well, Elara_ did _suggest we take care of it as soon as possible._ "It'd be easier if I just showed you." She got up and went over to her suitcase to rummage through it for the datapad she'd brought. When she found it, she returned to the bed, where Aric had shifted to sit up. Handing it to him, she explained, "It's, well, it formally authorizes us to pursue a mutual romantic relationship."

"You're kidding?" He took the datapad to look through it. "There's actually a _form_ for this sort of thing? I'd no idea."

Encouraged, she sat down beside him. "I didn't either, until Elara told me about it."

"Of course _she_ would know." He rolled his eyes, but a fond smile tugged at his lips. Then he frowned. "Wait, this-- It's already filled out."

She nodded, biting the inside of her cheek. "Well, mostly. There were some areas I wasn't sure what to put since it was information only _you_ know."

"You want _us_ to file this." He looked up at her, his expression unreadable.

Nodding again, she explained in a rush, "I can't imagine going on without you, Aric. You were there when Tavus and the others defected, even if it was only over comms. You've had my back all this time, even when we've had to split up. The only other person I trust as much is Elara, but _you're_ the one who holds my heart. I know this is a lot to throw at you, but I thought you should know that I'm in this for the long haul and I hope you are, too."

"I don't think I've ever seen you this flustered," he remarked after staring at her for a few moments. A slow smile spread across his face, the one he reserved only for her. "I like it. I'm not much for sentiment and fancy speeches, but I'll _always_ have your back." He turned his attention to the datapad and tapped it a few times. "I don't think we _really_ need a form to make this official, but it'd probably make things easier in the long run."

She grinned in delight when he offered it to her after pressing his thumb to it. Taking it, she pressed her thumb to the appropriate box as well. Then she set the datapad on the bedside table so she could fling her arms around him. "I love you, Aric."

"I love you, too, Pesi." He wrapped his arms around her, returning the hug. "Nothing and no one's going to keep me from you."

"Nothing and no one."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all I have written for now, but the new expansion is giving me IDEAS, so we'll see.


	14. Shadows of Revan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not easy when someone you idolize falls short.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight spoiler for the trooper quest on Rishi.

Aric and Elara remained silent as they followed their commander to the cantina. A word with the bartender and she led them to a private room. Once the door closed behind them, she stood very silent and still for a long moment before she began to shake. He caught her when her knees buckled and she turned to him, burying her face in his neck, tears dampening his fur. Aric looked helplessly at Elara. He'd never seen their CO like this before. The medic shook her head with a shrug. He gently combed his fingers through her thick black hair. "Talk to me, Pesi. What's wrong?"

"I really looked up to Garza," Pesinil hiccupped, her face still buried in his neck. "Despite some of the questionable things she's done and the orders I've disagreed with, I admired her. It takes a lot of guts and determination to make it as far as she has."

He brushed a kiss across her temple, understanding now why she was so upset. "And this latest development cuts deep, doesn't it?"

"It does." His mate nodded, reluctantly straightening up. "She didn't learn _anything_ from the mistakes she made in the past. She's so determined to beat the Empire at any cost that she's become no better than Rakton."

Elara offered Pesinil a handkerchief and the Mirialan accepted it, dabbing at the tearstains on her cheeks. "She did what she thought was necessary, sir."

"You know better than that, Elara," their CO retorted as Aric took the handkerchief from her and carefully wiped at the tear tracks. "She was willing to let innocent civilians die in the firebombings on Corellia just so we could use the Imps' dropships to bring in more troops."

The medic nodded, looking troubled. "I know, but she had the good of the Republic at heart. That's all I meant."

"I know." Pesinil sighed deeply, pushing a loose strand of hair back from her face. "Part of me is afraid that I'll end up like her."

Aric shook his head with a growl. "Never. I wouldn't _let_ you."

"Neither will I," Elara looked fiercely determined. "Besides, I don't think that could happen anyway. You have too good a heart to make the same decisions Garza has."

Pesinil smiled weakly, reaching up to stroke Aric's cheek, and then squeeze Elara's hand. "Thanks, you two. It means a lot to me to hear you say it."

"No matter what happens, Pesi, we have your back," he told her firmly.

Elara nodded her agreement. " _All_ of us."

"Thanks."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This hit Pesi hard because she looked up to Garza so much, even after they started working together.


End file.
